I really don't know what to do.

So it's really early right now. I'm tired. Dead tired, but I can't sleep.
I can't afford to have some cough syrup, or some prochlorperazines or piritons because I need to get to work by 8.30am tomorrow.

Since I was accidently left alone for an hour last week or was it two weeks ago, I have been feeling massively sad.
Down. Mellow.
Morose.

Lately I do... feel like this... facade I'm putting on is taking up too much out of me.
All I've ever been trying to do is be nice.
I am too nice.

Where did all the good karma go?

There was a time 3 years ago when I told a friend of mine that I've had enough of talking, of socialising, of being nice, and since then I have reduced everything.
Of all the pigs I've met and soot I've gone through, this is really hard on me.
Still is hard on me.

Hard on.
Ha.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who gets my jokes.

Oh yeah, and I've been feeling giddy and happy this week because of the thought of be;anja-ing my parents to the fish spa, at Pavillion.

Unfortunately, my mom said no, even when I said 'I'm paying for it, everything"
Mak: Why would I want to have fishes eating my leg?
Me: Dead skin, mak.
Mak: *unimpressed frown*
Me: But I'm paying for EVERYTHING. Won't it be nice?
Mak: What do you think, Malik?
Dad: Hmm? *munches on something while inspecting groceries*
Me: So tak nak?
Mak: Why would I want fishes to eat my leg?
Me: Dead skin lah.
Mak: Banyak duit awak nak belanja.
Me: (I don't know why I'm typing this, I feel so light) Dapat gaji 2 minggu lah.
Mak: Banyak gaji awak.
Me: It's the thought that counts lah.
(My dad was probably imagining his daughters having smooth legs when he read Veet's label)
Mak: If it's the thought that counts you'll...

And I was zoned out.
Ima keep ma moolah for Toe and my driving lisence.
And maybe even for Envy....hmmmmm.