Ugh being this depressed is a bittersweet thing.

So anyway, in order for me to have a reason to live, because it's been decades since I've been waiting for my dying day but it's just not here (yet) or anywhere.
I am impatient, so while waiting, I guess I'll just have to find something to do.
To pass time.

After college (yes, college) I'm going to volunteer for Mercy and go anywhere and everywhere and take pictures, and ultimately, like I secretly always wanted, work as a photojournalist for Time mag.

I can see the frown on my mom's face when she hears the word 'volunteer' and 'everywhere'.

I really don't know what to do.

So it's really early right now. I'm tired. Dead tired, but I can't sleep.
I can't afford to have some cough syrup, or some prochlorperazines or piritons because I need to get to work by 8.30am tomorrow.

Since I was accidently left alone for an hour last week or was it two weeks ago, I have been feeling massively sad.
Down. Mellow.
Morose.

Lately I do... feel like this... facade I'm putting on is taking up too much out of me.
All I've ever been trying to do is be nice.
I am too nice.

Where did all the good karma go?

There was a time 3 years ago when I told a friend of mine that I've had enough of talking, of socialising, of being nice, and since then I have reduced everything.
Of all the pigs I've met and soot I've gone through, this is really hard on me.
Still is hard on me.

Hard on.
Ha.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who gets my jokes.